Dreaming in Cuban, written in 1992, is the first novel of author Cristina García, a Cuban-born American journalist and novelist. The novel takes place both in Cuba and the United States displaying three generations of a family. In this essay, the focus will be on two of the main characters namely Lourdes, one of Celia’s daughter, and Pilar, the daughter of Lourdes. The passage focuses on the analysis starting on page 137 “Most days […]” and finishing on page 138 “[…] a cut on my tongue that never healed” presents Pilar’s desire to return to Cuba and her determination to find answers concerning her native country and her mother. This is throughout the verbs choice and tense as well as figures of speech that Pilar searches her own identity in order to discover where she belongs.

Firstly, although Pilar is rebelling against the Cuban regime, she still considers herself as a Cuban and wants to return to her native country. All along the story Pilar appears as a rebellious and strong-willed teenager and in this passage she is anew intemperate saying “I resent the hell out of the politicians and the generals who force events on us that structure our lives, that dictate the memories we’ll have when we’re old” (p.138). Not only is this saying exaggerated through the hyperbole “I resent the hell out”, but also the verbs that describe how the politicians and generals act are significant: “they force events”, “structure [people’s] lives” and “dictate the memories” (p.138). To some extent, these verbs are representing the precept of the communism which is the control of the country by the state letting no liberty and choices for the citizens. Thus, on the one hand Pilar’s youth and character lead her to amplify her saying but on the other hand she is mindful of what happens in Cuba under the communist regime. Though Pilar does not agree with the whole Cuban regime and lives in the United States for a long time, she still considers herself as a Cuban speaking in the first person plural: “who force events on us”, “structure our lives” and “the memories we’ll have […] we’re old” (p.138). To some extent, Pilar shows her belonging to Cuba through the we-pronoun. In addition to, she expresses a wish to return to her native country claiming: “Every day Cuba fades a little more inside me, my grandmother fades a little more inside me.” (p.138). The repetition underlines Pilar’s desire to visit Cuba and her grandmother in order to strengthen the decreasing relations with her roots. Then, before her return to Cuba and the answers to questions that have remained open for years, Pilar can only imagine “where [her] history should be.” (p.138). Relatively, because of her life in Brooklyn and the refusal of her mother to talk about Abuela Celia and Cuba, this is through her imagination that Pilar maintains her links to Cuba.

At this point, Pilar not only wants to return to Cuba to see her grandmother and to visit the country but also because she is searching her identity. Through the verbs choice and tense used by Pilar, she questions herself and her relatives about her roots. Most of the verbs used by Pilar are in the present tense signifying that she speaks at the same time the plot takes place. All along the passage, the verbs either describe her thoughts and feelings “I resent” and “I think” twice, her determination “I can” and “I want” or her questioning “I ask” and “I’m prying” (p.138). Concerning Pilar’s thinking “I think he stays in his workshop” and “I think we should have moved to a ranch” (p.138), the situation is hypothetical because that is only what Pilar believes about her father but nothing is confirmed. Then, Pilar shows once more that she is perseverant and self-confident using two modal verbs “I can do not to hijack a plane to Havana” and “I really want to know, why mum hardly speaks to Abuela” (p.138). The context in which she uses “can” shows that it is not a question of physical capacity but of permission. Pilar cannot “hijack a plane to Havana” (p.138) because it is an illegal act which is punishable by law.  Moreover, when Pilar asks her father about her mother and Cuba this is because she “really want[s]” explanations of why her mother “keeps her riding crops from Cuba” (p.138). While she has a strong wish which is accentuated with the adverb “really” placed before “want” (p.138), the phrase “keeps her riding crops from Cuba” bears a deep meaning. Pilar makes a connection with what happened to Lourdes in Cuba such as the rejection of her mother (p.48), the loss of her child (p.70), and the violent rape by a soldier (p.71) without knowing these facts. Finally, Pilar “ask[s]” her mother about Abuela Celia and has the feeling of “prying” into secret information. These two verbs imply the desire to have answers which is what Pilar aims for. Thus, even though Pilar has a strong desire to learn about her roots and grandmother and is aware that Lourdes has bad memories concerning Cuba, she is determinate to find where she belongs.

Following this, Pilar’s lack of knowledge about the exact events that happened to her mother in Cuba makes her feeling resentful towards Lourdes and this adds to the recurrent mother-daughter conflicts. Pilar wants to learn about her grandmother Celia, nonetheless each time she asks her mother about it “she gets annoyed” and “shuts [her] up quickly, like [she’s] prying into top secret information” (p.138). The irony of Pilar in the phrase “top secret information” shows her ignorance concerning the reason why her mother is distant with Celia. What is more, Pilar’s father accentuates the contrast between Lourdes and Pilar when this latter questions him “why [her] Mom hardly speaks to Abuela or why she still keeps her riding crops from Cuba.” (P.138). Most of the time he answers “refeering the fights” (p.138) between Lourdes and Pilar instead of the question. Consequently, due to the paucity of information about the past of her mother as well as their constant conflicts about the revolution and Cuba, Pilar has to face at a time a mother-daughter conflict and an inner-conflict linked to the search of her identity.

To conclude, the omnipresence of Pilar’s search of identity is seen through a desire to return to the country and her perseverance to obtain information from her relatives. Additionally, the verbs used by Pilar are meaningful and affirm her determination and her importance of where she belongs. However, the contrast with her mother’s view as well as the lack of information about her life leave Pilar in an inner conflict of discovering if she is a Cuban, American or hybrid girl.